To preface with the work description:
Low hours job, efficient, only working in the designated hours, no more, no less. Good income, but very, very unpleasant.
Why unpleasant?
Because there is never growth, whatever you learn is you learn by yourself.
Because there isn’t communication, nobody does better than you and nobody is worth looking up to, if there is actually anybody, big if, it’s mostly a lonely position
Because it’s very repetitive, but not rewarding at all.
Cash - check
Good working hours - check
The actual work - shit
Growth opportunity doing the job - shit
Haha, there are always trade-offs to be made, my dream job could look like:
Cash - enough
Good working hours - meh
The actual work - nice
Growth opportunity - big
So me as an intelligent human being, capable of incredible feats should weigh everything out and say:
“okay, if the growth opportunity during the working hours is shit, I can at least for sure compensate for that by learning/doing something during those free hours since the working hours are so great”
But man, that’s so “easier said than done”
Usually done at 17, but on a good day is 16.
And leaving the premises, I’m like “get me out of here” or “finally done with this shit”.
My mind just wants to get home so it can start coping by doing something stupid like binge watching.
It’s very difficult to get myself out of this “mood” or “mental state”.
And so it becomes a spark, that ignites the whole past and shines it through my present.
Loneliness, regrets, failures all come to the forefront, just because of burnout. I’ve had it today too, that’s why I’m trying to change things by sitting somewhere that isn’t home and doing something that isn’t binge-watching and so I’m writing this.
The nail that nails the Jesus, is: loneliness adds to it very badly and so it becomes something really bad…